i got the full time position.

guess bbc isn't what they were after.

lesson learned.

also, found someone to look after kids so i'm off to the great white north next week.

happy

goood morning.
want to make sure your kids get off to school smoothly and in a most congenial mood? unplug the television. makes a huge difference.

and since it's wednesday, time for an update.
hubby has joined the world of suits. i never thought i would say this but, yay!
and as of next week i may have my very own little cubicle in a sexy glassed in office building.
and it may only be part time, so i will get to see my kids, yay!

jobs jobs for everyone

um, take that back. i might have the job.

future's so bright, i gotta wear shades

same place same time same cup of coffee.
outside we've got cold dark and sleeting.
didn't get the job. would've been nice.
would like to take my dad up on his offer to fly home for a week but have no babysitter. must find today. book tickets today.

went to see "Borat" and laughed my ass off.

going to a painting class at a retirement home this morning. how a propos.

now to whip up some tuna sandwiches for the kiddos, throw on some duds and get on my merry way.

"an impressive resume". yeah, thanks. makes great tp here in the desert.

phone call. we're putting your file on hold until monday.
ergo, you sucked. i'm interviewing a few more of my friends.
enter rage, frustration, disgust, screaming, kicking furniture and throwing coffee mug against wall
and cursing
much loud cursing

well, i don't think i'm going to get the job. they're looking for bbc english types to do translation and voice over. i am not very bbc. anyway, it would have been cushy. oh weell. i'll just have to take up a hobby. what are you going to do with the rest of your life?

see, last week, after 18 odd years of agonizing about it, i finally thought i knew what i was going to do. go home to ma and pa, pick up where i left off, and get my Bachelor of Ed. everyone needs a good French teacher. except in europe. they have plenty here. in fact everyone's a teacher here and they correct my french all the fuckin time. and my english.

then,of course, decision being made and all, life says, NOT. and all of a sudden we're staying for a while. you'd think the bitch would be relieved. and i was. for about 20 minutes. then i thought, shit. it's decision time and i'm in a country where continued education is for MBA people who already have jobs. my former activity is not feasible as i am a wimp and won't go to london and beg for work. i am a mom after all.

and i'm either too old or underqualified for every job imagineable so i say fuck it.
i'll take up crochet and sell lovely tea cosies at the christmas market for cash.

they called! they called! big interview tomorrow! can't sleep! big day! big day! can't talk about it! too important! big day!

time to find new thought patterns. taking a break.

we are staying. i can breathe. so, why am i bummed?

sending the spirits home

dh may have a j-job. pray for dh. pray!

(of course, this, just after i decide the best thing is to grow old back in the old country with my family family)

aint life funny

cutting ties

last night i was officially named vice-president of our club. a good thing.
today i resigned. fuck society ladies.

national pull head out of ass day

inspired by viewfinder's day out, i see his giant spider (meet "MAMA") and frank gehry (Guggenheim, Bilbao , Spain 2004), and raise him a giant chia pet.

go here for the truely inspiring story of how an art gallery can revive a city http://www.acturban.org/biennial/doc_net_cities/the_bilbao_effect.htm



























today i:

• contact a real estate agent or two or three

• post pics of my wonderful home that i must sell on the internet in order to embrace life rather than hide from it, sorry house. sorry trees. i will miss you.

• sell fucking 300M that chrysler concieved for the soul purpose of sucking thousands from one's bank account. love the car. hate the repairs. cringe at the gas guzzling. love the accelerator. love the accelerator. love the accelerator.
  

• sell junk in garage.

• throw out. give away. sort. box.

• continue job search.

• look into tickets to TO. for the first week of dec.

• deadline for job procurement which could stop this train: dec.5

• question to self: go get a B. Ed. starting january or hold out til september rather than hauling the kids out of school for end dec. (rather abrupt i admit)

• lay off husband. he knows the score. don't need to bludgeon him with it.

anything else?

maybe put an art gallery on my front lawn

insomnia chronicles

2 am. favorite time for solace. or mind racing. vroom vroom.
can you tell me the colour of your father's 1968 porsche while at the same time retracing the pattern of the laura ashley wallpaper in your dollhouse apartment in 1987, reciting all the names of all the men you ever slept with and wondering if any of them still have hair or turned into normal husbands like yours who's wife is currently out and about with every fantasy in her alternative universe remaking the future in it's most minute detail and yet carefully preserving every element of the present from harm in any way shape or form. which is, of course, impossible.

cat's talking in his sleep.

butterfly in for the night is beating it's wings against the kitchen spots.

valerian is slowly taking hold.

cough is not letting up.

i still see pixels in the dark and little green pings of electric light as i lie awake but the diamonds and hearts and clovers from when i was little don't seem to be anywhere close by. i used to watch them for hours

dont' know how much longer this relationship (co-dependancy) is going to last. in true capricorn spirit i feel the need to destroy the things i am disappointed with and this urge to destroy my "partner" is consuming me. can't stand the excuses any more. loathe and despise the victim stance. victim stance seemingly a permanant feature of the individual i am seriously close to throwing the baby out with the bathwater. something no mother wants to do really. but wait, oh yeah! I AM NOT HIS MOTHER!