i guess it can be said that i dont do much to maintain or cultivate relationships
a true capricorn hermit
think i'm going to invent a new blog, ingognito whose sole purpose is to get hits
...let me
....entertain you
Monday, May 14, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
maybe its time to lose the easter colours
and the easter decorations
i like easter
you haven't heard boo from me because it's been sunny and gorgeous and my mom's been here
so i've been busy and content
now she's gone and i'm bumbed
i want to go back to 1990 for a week or two and just take a break
it's weird
because i live in this alternate reality called expat land which is unaffected by all the things that make home so different than it was when i first left, my idea of going home seems to have become like time travel
if i could go anywhere, it would be were the gap wasn't so damn large
it's not the ocean anymore it's the seconds and the hours and the days
and the easter decorations
i like easter
you haven't heard boo from me because it's been sunny and gorgeous and my mom's been here
so i've been busy and content
now she's gone and i'm bumbed
i want to go back to 1990 for a week or two and just take a break
it's weird
because i live in this alternate reality called expat land which is unaffected by all the things that make home so different than it was when i first left, my idea of going home seems to have become like time travel
if i could go anywhere, it would be were the gap wasn't so damn large
it's not the ocean anymore it's the seconds and the hours and the days
Go ahead make an example out of me, i'm flattered
feeling kind of dumped at the moment. guess i just aint interesting enough.gotta find inner motivation again....hmn how bout whining about what happened at work. here we go...since i'm up thinking about it anyway...
thurs night...child sick sick sick...
fri am better but not enough for school...result. i stay home as i am entitled to do by law 2days per year per child
but being responsible n all i call in and tell them, also mentioning that i could do some work from home and would come with child if needs be to fix any problems should they arise...
problems arise...as they have no back up for me need to drag poor sick child off couch and into the car to work (baaddddd mommy)
i get to work - kids in tow
go see nasty little french man for a briefing because that is what i'm trained to do - debrief at every debrief-able moment
lets just say it was after lunch nd that seems to be a bad time for nasty little french man posssibly due to his affection for alcohol...
he REEMs on me...ScREAMS AT ME...nonsense and babble about how i only do as i please blah d blah ? !!!???? what?!!! i tried to explain and there was no explaining he just got louder...and so so did i and yes this was in front of my kids and the whole office i feel sick
well anyway he was way out of line as by law it is my right to take that day off if i n^have to, and i had to and i have a medical certificate for it and he is going to eat his hat on monday
nevertheless i feel a witchburning in the air
should i quit? i feel so sick about it i dont want to go back its so fucked
what do you say universe head held high once again
what's with these men that need to thwart me? i say fuck'em or letem continue to fuck themselves, even better...
thurs night...child sick sick sick...
fri am better but not enough for school...result. i stay home as i am entitled to do by law 2days per year per child
but being responsible n all i call in and tell them, also mentioning that i could do some work from home and would come with child if needs be to fix any problems should they arise...
problems arise...as they have no back up for me need to drag poor sick child off couch and into the car to work (baaddddd mommy)
i get to work - kids in tow
go see nasty little french man for a briefing because that is what i'm trained to do - debrief at every debrief-able moment
lets just say it was after lunch nd that seems to be a bad time for nasty little french man posssibly due to his affection for alcohol...
he REEMs on me...ScREAMS AT ME...nonsense and babble about how i only do as i please blah d blah ? !!!???? what?!!! i tried to explain and there was no explaining he just got louder...and so so did i and yes this was in front of my kids and the whole office i feel sick
well anyway he was way out of line as by law it is my right to take that day off if i n^have to, and i had to and i have a medical certificate for it and he is going to eat his hat on monday
nevertheless i feel a witchburning in the air
should i quit? i feel so sick about it i dont want to go back its so fucked
what do you say universe head held high once again
what's with these men that need to thwart me? i say fuck'em or letem continue to fuck themselves, even better...
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
why i hate my work environment part 1 (and yes there have been jobs i've loved)
europe is still the old world. and they don't like "loud-mouthed americans" especially when they're women. women should be seen and not heard, leave the braun and the decision-making to the professionals. smile serenely and manipulate from behind the scenes...so much more lady like (possibly, the only effective way of getting what you need in this life if you don't want to be publicly stoned, however)
i've always had my challenges where nasty old-world men and their fear of castration is concerned. you don't even need to say anything....they sense it. red alert, the female is having resistant thoughts, red alert. thwart her! thwart her immediately!
it's hard to have been brought up a "free thinker" and not have amazing credetials or the appropriate pedigree (because, sorry folks, it's all about who you know and who's your daddy) to flash at all those who would prefer you pipe down and serve the proverbial coffee.
funny thing is, i have WAY more experience than anyone else in my office, besides the nasty little man who is supposed to be managing it, and yet, he refuses to address me. he talks to my colleague who he hired directly and the rediculousness of it is that he talks to the guy in french and i have to translate, sort of like this..."he said to make sure we do this"...and since that guy doesn't actually do the work or understand french, it basically means i'm translating this..."tell her (me) to do this"...AHHHH crazy!
am i going to walk out on what could be a full-of-potential job (that i actually enjoy doing) just because it's monopolozed by nasty little men who suck at what they do? tune in next week to see if luxury jargon girl has fucked off.
(don't think i'm talking about all men. just the nasty little schemers who think a woman should be all sugar and spice. i'm going to put fire ants on his chair.)
i've always had my challenges where nasty old-world men and their fear of castration is concerned. you don't even need to say anything....they sense it. red alert, the female is having resistant thoughts, red alert. thwart her! thwart her immediately!
it's hard to have been brought up a "free thinker" and not have amazing credetials or the appropriate pedigree (because, sorry folks, it's all about who you know and who's your daddy) to flash at all those who would prefer you pipe down and serve the proverbial coffee.
funny thing is, i have WAY more experience than anyone else in my office, besides the nasty little man who is supposed to be managing it, and yet, he refuses to address me. he talks to my colleague who he hired directly and the rediculousness of it is that he talks to the guy in french and i have to translate, sort of like this..."he said to make sure we do this"...and since that guy doesn't actually do the work or understand french, it basically means i'm translating this..."tell her (me) to do this"...AHHHH crazy!
am i going to walk out on what could be a full-of-potential job (that i actually enjoy doing) just because it's monopolozed by nasty little men who suck at what they do? tune in next week to see if luxury jargon girl has fucked off.
(don't think i'm talking about all men. just the nasty little schemers who think a woman should be all sugar and spice. i'm going to put fire ants on his chair.)
Thursday, March 29, 2007
that was one corny poem you wrote there, m'am.
as for the present and the herenowww, still nothing interesting to say. lots happening. too lazy to write about it.
sprinng is sprung.
i have beautiful flowers in my garden and new stone on the drive. semi-precious stone at the price i paid for all 7 tonnes of it. worth it's weight in gold. but emphasis on the worth. makes it look sooooo nice. (well, nicer)
work is work and i am underpaid and blahdiblah. but the fun factor is there at times and the kids are realising that 40 can still be cool (and hot) so i feel like less of an attractive aging alien. it's also nice that i'm no longer the only overworkedunderpaid one. and no longer the only so-called grown up. (i'm sooo not) (but can i ever pretend)
time to go drink some of my favorite cheap chilean wine and melt into the couch for the night.
cin cin
as for the present and the herenowww, still nothing interesting to say. lots happening. too lazy to write about it.
sprinng is sprung.
i have beautiful flowers in my garden and new stone on the drive. semi-precious stone at the price i paid for all 7 tonnes of it. worth it's weight in gold. but emphasis on the worth. makes it look sooooo nice. (well, nicer)
work is work and i am underpaid and blahdiblah. but the fun factor is there at times and the kids are realising that 40 can still be cool (and hot) so i feel like less of an attractive aging alien. it's also nice that i'm no longer the only overworkedunderpaid one. and no longer the only so-called grown up. (i'm sooo not) (but can i ever pretend)
time to go drink some of my favorite cheap chilean wine and melt into the couch for the night.
cin cin
Friday, March 23, 2007
Just One More Petal
"Daisy,
I love you."
Pose a problem (a pocket full):
how could i return this love?
he has not my affection (earned)
Besides,
to be suddenly plucked form one's accustomed bed and delivered directly to another is an undesirable event (in one's prime)
Consider the disturbance among the "social butterflies"
I'm no wallflower
Anyways pick me?! Notwithstanding numerous others?
Lying at the foot of this bed where i always lie
(sun shines brightest here and i can see the entire garden)
his words
whispered in my sleep
"Daisy", said he
"Yes" said she (never having heard her own voice she imagines it was hers)
"I love you for you are more beautiful than any other in this garden."
( Running fingers
along stem
plant kiss on her
petal
soft
lips...)
Plucked
Transplanted (on the highest pedestal)
i shall float above others in glorious (illustrious?) light
soon after
THE REALIZATION: vast emptiness created by sudden disappearance of familiars
The sun does not shine bright enough to strike my darkening days (daze)
No measure of moisture will satisfy such thirst (tears won't do)
Nature says his doting presence can not restore my essence
Beauty fades
In solemn isolation i would wither
It would not do to suffer so for such a brief cause
Life would longer be sustained, would the seed remain
Where such seeds are sown
He loves the roses with their sweet perfume (Love me, Love me not)
And prickly thorns
They will draw his blood indeed
In glory of attempts to possess
I wish i were a rose (it would be worth while)
I say I love him (he believes me a sweet daisy, love me , love me not)
He shall soon be pricked by thorns.
I love you."
Pose a problem (a pocket full):
how could i return this love?
he has not my affection (earned)
Besides,
to be suddenly plucked form one's accustomed bed and delivered directly to another is an undesirable event (in one's prime)
Consider the disturbance among the "social butterflies"
I'm no wallflower
Anyways pick me?! Notwithstanding numerous others?
Lying at the foot of this bed where i always lie
(sun shines brightest here and i can see the entire garden)
his words
whispered in my sleep
"Daisy", said he
"Yes" said she (never having heard her own voice she imagines it was hers)
"I love you for you are more beautiful than any other in this garden."
( Running fingers
along stem
plant kiss on her
petal
soft
lips...)
Plucked
Transplanted (on the highest pedestal)
i shall float above others in glorious (illustrious?) light
soon after
THE REALIZATION: vast emptiness created by sudden disappearance of familiars
The sun does not shine bright enough to strike my darkening days (daze)
No measure of moisture will satisfy such thirst (tears won't do)
Nature says his doting presence can not restore my essence
Beauty fades
In solemn isolation i would wither
It would not do to suffer so for such a brief cause
Life would longer be sustained, would the seed remain
Where such seeds are sown
He loves the roses with their sweet perfume (Love me, Love me not)
And prickly thorns
They will draw his blood indeed
In glory of attempts to possess
I wish i were a rose (it would be worth while)
I say I love him (he believes me a sweet daisy, love me , love me not)
He shall soon be pricked by thorns.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
today the universe reminded me to be more in the moment....
AGAIN
as i drove into the rear end of someone's car that i hadn't noticed had come to a complete stop
AGAIN
for the second time in two months
HELLOOOOOO
some way to manifest a new car hmpf
jack ass
listen to the universe
find your center
stop giving poor law-abiding slow people whiplash
slow
calm
peace
namaste
AGAIN
as i drove into the rear end of someone's car that i hadn't noticed had come to a complete stop
AGAIN
for the second time in two months
HELLOOOOOO
some way to manifest a new car hmpf
jack ass
listen to the universe
find your center
stop giving poor law-abiding slow people whiplash
slow
calm
peace
namaste
start-up company crappy management blues
after the year i had last year it seems impossible that i would be complaining about my job but i am
so not happy with this company
hired for half what i'm used to making but happy to be doing something sort of cool i say yes and sign the damn contract...only to realize a week or two in that the guy who "hired" me doesn't do work as part of his job...no work involved...only stting around surfing internet and playing big chief cool guy
result: my other not quite half time colleague has quit
result: i am doing all the work and management couldn't care less because i'm onthe hook and it costs less and jobs like this one don't come along in this crappy part of the world that often
(there are two full-time people doing the same amount of work in other depts)
there's more to it but i bore myself
can't sleep
very irritated all the time
want to leave europe and work with people who aren't so damn narrow minded
sorry blogworld another whiny post
so not happy with this company
hired for half what i'm used to making but happy to be doing something sort of cool i say yes and sign the damn contract...only to realize a week or two in that the guy who "hired" me doesn't do work as part of his job...no work involved...only stting around surfing internet and playing big chief cool guy
result: my other not quite half time colleague has quit
result: i am doing all the work and management couldn't care less because i'm onthe hook and it costs less and jobs like this one don't come along in this crappy part of the world that often
(there are two full-time people doing the same amount of work in other depts)
there's more to it but i bore myself
can't sleep
very irritated all the time
want to leave europe and work with people who aren't so damn narrow minded
sorry blogworld another whiny post
Sunday, February 11, 2007
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