I need to get it all off my chest. It's 12:45 am and I'm not going to sleep any time soon. Unemployment is truely getting to me. First mine and secondly, my husband's. Mostly my husband's because I fear he's heading down the path of non-existance. I know this road. It started with living abroad for a few years with no more of an agenda than to get some experience in a foreign country. That was 17 years ago. I'm still here. Still hanging on because of the beautiful baby girl who's father is French. Only she's 14 now and has a step-father and 2 siblings who may not be better off over here. And it's terrifying. Going back after so long. Bringing a beautiful, over-protected teenager to North America to possibly face the sort of bullies and drinking and crazy teen-age drama that I enjoyed over there. Terrifying. But we're broke. My husband may have a better chance over there. And there's family. (Albeit neurotic in many more ways than I these days) And there's my fear of waking up from this dream and being too old to get a life. Not that I look old. Or act old. Or even believe in "old". Nope, I am of the immortals. I will always be 28. Just like my mom. We are a whole family of 28 yr olds. Except for my husband, who's 33 and has some growing up to do. His job search technique is non-exisant. Path of non-existance. What the hell am I going to do? I know that you can't answer that. But I do feel like the girl in that picture down there. How am I supposed to give my kids the perfect life in this state of total uselessness. I would bite the bullet if only someone would fire the gun. Yes, I am feeling truely sorry for myself tonight. Sob sob sob.