I know it's bad to talk mean about your husband and all but...
For twenty years i have tried to find my balance in a foreign environment. the thought of going back to NA now, into more uncertainty, more who am i? can i make it? will i be able to provide the same things for my kids? how will they react to the evils of billboard society? how will i? and more and more...questions that shake my foundation and threaten me to the core. so i have shut down my heart. well, it shut itself down. it feels no sympathy for him, no desire, only distrust. i have told him if he forces us into a forced sale of this house, ( in a typical passive-agressive no action = no blame manoeuver) my only life's acheivement and safe place (kids don't count), i will leave him. i will not follow his vagueness into a nostalgic quest for what once was. i told him to get out, get a job, get a life, get a direction. then we'll see. he told me that in about ten years i'll be 50 and incomplete. he's a mind fuck and i despise him. (today)
i should stop there but i mean, cashing in on our home and living off the profits in some undefined place until Comfort Seeker has it figured out in a unilingual non-threatening (imagined) better world...NO. why don't i just turn a few tricks and we can live on that. get a job dude. get off the internet and get shaking those hands. or get out. (says the woman who just quit her job)
2 interviews in 8 months is not what i call trying.
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2 comments:
goodness, whatever you do, don't jump into the complete unknown... make sure you've exhausted all means before you even think about a return to the land of madness!
Well, i appear to already be in the land of madness anyway. So,what's the diff?!
Are you saying that i am perhaps being wimpy and unreasonable, ViewFinder? I ask this in ernest.
PS Glad you're not gone gone gone. Not too many people can relate if you know what i mean. So I value your perspective.
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