so. for about a month now i have been looking at the emails on my dh's computer and trying to stay (get) informed about what he actually achieves in the many hours he sits in that hovel wanking off. i do not get updates without hounding for them and this has become yet another way for him to suck my energy. so i check the emails. not much happening. he may have another account i don't see, i'm not snooping that profoundly. yet. so when i turn it on this am he has conveniently left on the screen, a cost of living calculator comparing his ultimate destination (texas) to my compromise destinantion (new england). an ugly house listing for 284,000 in my area of choice. and a wonderful article about his wonderful place of choice. manipulative sob. i hate him two shades deeper today. hate him. fucking bovine. how can you not get that a canadian who has lived in europe half her life does not percieve the US as a great place to end up. Let ALONE TEXAS. he should have married that cheerleader back home. yet another man who does not love ME for ME. yet another woman who gives up her power to the fairy tale nightmare. handsome prince my ass. i am not a trophy wife. i will not go quietly. i will not be lulled into another wrong direction. i am going to ahve to cut him out of this equation. chanting: do it do it do it

oh my god what is wrong with me